I Walk These Rubber Streets

Ah, spring is here and love must be in the air because everywhere I go used condoms litter the ground. Oh, Inwood. How you continue to do me proud.
Anyway, I suppose that if you're the type of person who throws a used condom on the ground then I should be happy that you're using a condom and not creating a smaller version of you to join our society. Of course this leads to me thinking of reasons why there might be used condoms on the sidewalks.

*You live with your parents and don't want them to discover this item in the garbage and then you'll never be able to have what's-her-name over to the house again.

*If the Honda is a rockin' don't come a knockin'. And if you throw your soda bottles out of your car door then why not a condom?

*School kids are just playing with them to see what one looks like and then just tossing them aside after they are done giggling about how gooey it is. If this is the case that means I have to look closer to see if it really is used. But I'm not going to do that. Isn't it enough that I've thought about it this much?

So this obsession started when I was doing my babysitting. I got the girls dressed for school, gave them breakfast, bundled them up, and headed out the door with them. And as soon as we stepped out of the apartment building there was a bright pink condom right in our path.
I panicked. Why?
Because even though I was able to non-verbally and gently move the older one out of the way so she wouldn't step on it I cringed to think that any minute she was going to ask what it was...why was it there...who put it there...why is it pink...what do you use it for, can I touch it...etc.
Not only was I totally stumped at what I would say (if it was my kid I would probably just answer "It's a condom." and then just not elaborate) But with this kid there is never just one question. She is QUEEN of the Thousand Questions. I mean...she just goes on and on and on and on and on to where you just want to shake her. Plus, I feel it's not my place to give her a 5 year old version of a sex talk. And it was only 8 o'clock in the morning, I hadn't had breakfast and I wasn't ready to deal with it.

So since then the fluorescent condoms have been a no-show which I'm grateful for. The standard issue ones are still around but those are harder for her to spot. I'm all for people having safe sex. I'd just rather they keep everyone else out of it. Between the condoms and all the people who aren't picking up after their dogs we're running out of space to walk.