Customer Service

Dear Dollar Store Employee;

It was raining and so I thought I'd check out the store. See if any of your poorly manufactured items caught my eye. When I reached my favorite aisle (drinkware and plates- oh how I love to stare at all the goblets) you where there desperately tipping your 'We Are Happy to Serve You' coffee cup dregs into your mouth. When I appeared in the corner of your vision I noticed how quickly you fled the aisle. Oh...so quickly. Guiltily.

My instincts were awakened. Having lived for the past five years with a male I recognized the glint of fear in your eyes. But alas, I pressed onward. Two or three steps into the aisle I was stopped by a wall of noxious fumes that had- seconds before- passed through your rectum and out of your ass cheeks. Oh how horrid these fumes where! How disgusted I was! How angry I was that you had ruined what was to be my bliss. Part of me believed, believes still, that you should have owned up to your actions. Waved me away. Warned me 'Don't Enter, Move away!' But no- instead you ran.

I left the aisle. I walked down the significantly less exciting gift bag, non-sticky saran wrap, tissue-thin aluminum foil aisle. I vowed that somehow I would let you know that I knew your crime. You hadn't fooled me with your running away. As I returned to the front of the store, having no choice but to walk through the residual ass cloud you had surely trailed you appeared at my left exiting your brief hiding spot. You looked up. We caught each other's stares. I squinted and raised my eyebrows oh-so-slightly. You seemed embarrassed and looked away. I felt better. Spent $2.53 and went on with my day.