I was watching episodes of The Housewives of New York. While watching these pretentious women with their horrendous accents can be entertaining for an hour watching for 3 hours to catch up can actually be nauseating. If there was ever a group of people who were never told it doesn't matter what other people think it was this group. I mean I know for sure that there are people who are all about image. I even know some personally and it makes me sad that they are like that to begin with. However, to be honest, I'd rather be part of the nitty gritty New York than be a part of this ridiculous "social elite" circle. They're so shallow you need a whole new word to actually describe them.
So I moved to the internet to entertain myself. I visited the blog of Shelley Hocknell Zentner. She's an English artist who lives in Tahoe. I modeled for her just a handful of times but it's nice to visit her page every once in awhile and pretend that you actually 'know' an artist. She had this really funny video on it and I had to share. I hope you guys find it as funny as I did.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Just In Case You Haven't Heard
I'm Coming Back!!!
I depart Southern California on April 1st, also known as Fool's Day. Either gloriously funny or sadly ironic and telling of the future. Who knows, we'll have to wait a couple of months to tell. I'll be sitting in the cab of a rental van or truck with Mark and Vinnie for a week. We'll eat lots of trail mix and sandwiches, we'll argue over music, we'll moan over gas prices, we'll stop by the South Rim of the Grand Canyon (I'm so close I want to see it now for fear of never having the chance again).
We'll sneak a parrot into hotel rooms, we'll spend a lot of time getting to know the Interstate system, and when we arrive we'll be living in a 2 bedroom, New York City apartment fully furnished and also fully occupied. Also known as the Matias Household. This includes: Father, Mother, adult Sister, vicious miniature hamster, psychotic, poorly trained dog. We will be adding Mark, me, and a biting, screaming, poorly trained parrot who will be mercilessly hunted by earlier mentioned dog. AWESOME!
I depart Southern California on April 1st, also known as Fool's Day. Either gloriously funny or sadly ironic and telling of the future. Who knows, we'll have to wait a couple of months to tell. I'll be sitting in the cab of a rental van or truck with Mark and Vinnie for a week. We'll eat lots of trail mix and sandwiches, we'll argue over music, we'll moan over gas prices, we'll stop by the South Rim of the Grand Canyon (I'm so close I want to see it now for fear of never having the chance again).We'll sneak a parrot into hotel rooms, we'll spend a lot of time getting to know the Interstate system, and when we arrive we'll be living in a 2 bedroom, New York City apartment fully furnished and also fully occupied. Also known as the Matias Household. This includes: Father, Mother, adult Sister, vicious miniature hamster, psychotic, poorly trained dog. We will be adding Mark, me, and a biting, screaming, poorly trained parrot who will be mercilessly hunted by earlier mentioned dog. AWESOME!
Erotic Things I'll Never Do
This is Vinnie literally eating the sweaty saltiness off of Mark's hair after we went for a run. He does it all the time and he has to be physically pried away or he'll never stop. Talk about loving the essence of a person.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
iPod by J.Crew
Everyone if fully aware that some things are just yuppie. Whole Foods, Volvo, J. Crew, renting a house in the Hamptons. But some things are definitely bought by a wide market and yet the commercials continue to baffle me at how 'exclusive' their message seems to be.
iPod commercials: Nothing but Facebook, Emo, white guys in chinos and chunky dark eyewear. I'm pretty sure when I went to the Apple store in Lower Manhattan to buy my iPod a few years there was a nice style and ethnic mix of employees and customers. I'm pretty sure when I was riding a subway last the guy sitting next to me in oversized jeans was listening to some old Tupac on white headphones.
Maybe it's my tiny bit of minority pride I have in me, on a growth spurt since I've been spending too much time in Southern California. But I almost get the vibe from these commercials, and magazines like Harper's Bazaar, and catalogs like J.Crew that they are sending some sort of subliminal message. A message that says why advertise to a genre of people who obviously can't afford our items. I mean...we don't do layaway.
iPod commercials: Nothing but Facebook, Emo, white guys in chinos and chunky dark eyewear. I'm pretty sure when I went to the Apple store in Lower Manhattan to buy my iPod a few years there was a nice style and ethnic mix of employees and customers. I'm pretty sure when I was riding a subway last the guy sitting next to me in oversized jeans was listening to some old Tupac on white headphones.
Maybe it's my tiny bit of minority pride I have in me, on a growth spurt since I've been spending too much time in Southern California. But I almost get the vibe from these commercials, and magazines like Harper's Bazaar, and catalogs like J.Crew that they are sending some sort of subliminal message. A message that says why advertise to a genre of people who obviously can't afford our items. I mean...we don't do layaway.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Yes, I'm Still Alive
For the past two months I have taken over Mark's library card. I'm reading throughout the day. Most of it is stuff that people will make fun of. A lot of it is stuff I know other people have read and like to read. I've decided to not be embarrassed and to just talk about it. I have nothing else to do. So if you're looking for intellectual book talk you'd better leave fast.
Jodi Picoult: The author of books quite obviously written for the young woman to mom crowd. I was a big fan of hers after reading the book My Sister's Keeper. Which apparently is being made into a movie starring Cameron Diaz as the mom. Which is bullshit. The day Cameron Diaz isn't a bubbly blond with a six pack of abs is the day I will believe she's a upper-middle class suburban mother of three. But anyway...while I've been here I've read The Tenth Circle, Vanishing Acts, and Nineteen Minutes. I've read six other novels that she has penned. Here is what I've decided: I'm not so much a fan anymore.
Your first Jodi Picoult book is fun. It's fresh, modern, current. Three adjectives that I'm pretty sure mean the same thing. It's got a court drama, a twist, a whodunnit feel.She can create a hip teenager and a single attractive yet brooding male cop and you feel that she really gets their struggle down. And maybe if you take your time reading her books you never get too tired of them. But when you read three in a row you realize THEY ARE IDENTICAL. They're not only exactly the same but I'm pretty sure the teenage girls in both The Tenth Circle and Nineteen Minutes had the same descriptive paragraph when they are first introduced.
It's one thing to have a character be in more than one book, I can see it being a treat to some very dedicated and excited reader (I know that guy!) But it's another thing for descriptions of characters and emotions to be pretty much a dead ringer for the last book. Ugh.
Wicked by Gregory Maguire: Now a Broadway musical, Wicked is the story of the Wicked Witch of the West. What happens I couldn't tell you (other than her melting of course). I disliked reading this book so much I didn't even get halfway through. I should've known I wouldn't have liked it when I can't even recall being that into The Wizard of Oz. I remember there was a while when they would air the movie around Easter for a few years in a row and the commercials would try and remind you how much you loved it the first time so many years ago and how much better it will be when the color is all enhanced. And there were those times when all anyone could talk about was how you could see some dude hang himself in the background. But I just never cared much. Dorothy was a bit annoying for me.
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides: Awesome. Something so intriguing about this book. I mean come on! First the character tells you he's a hermaphrodite. Then he tells you he was raised as a girl. Then you go back to learn his family history and find out Grandma and Grandpa were actually brother and sister AND THEN you get to watch the lives of this lively Greek family. You're sold! Everyone knows from the wild success of My Big Fat Greek Wedding that people LOVE Greek families in America. The more spanakopita the better!
Little Children by Tom Perrotta: Sure I've seen the movie which didn't exactly blow you away but I was eager to read the book. I figured why not, what else am I going to do? It was okay. It's as basic as storytelling can get. He's hot. She's blah. She's bolder than she realizes. He's kind of a preppy failure. They have lots of sex. And I think the molester is much scarier as a skinny gross man than a fat mean guy.
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith: Almost like a Frank McCourt book. But not in Ireland and not that destitute and depressing. Dad's an Irish drunk, mom is from Austrian stock. Both were raised in Brooklyn, get married young, have kids, and of course realize to late they don't know what they are doing. The main character is Francie, their daughter. They live in the tenements in Williamsburg and it's pretty much: Mom scrubbing floors, Dad on the bottle. Francie and brother collecting junk for money, Dad on the bottle. Life is hard and will always be hard for poor folk like us, Dad on the bottle. Etc.
The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory: Sure it's a movie but I got the book for free. And movies cost money. And it will probably suck anyway. I'm totally into it. So juicy.
Jodi Picoult: The author of books quite obviously written for the young woman to mom crowd. I was a big fan of hers after reading the book My Sister's Keeper. Which apparently is being made into a movie starring Cameron Diaz as the mom. Which is bullshit. The day Cameron Diaz isn't a bubbly blond with a six pack of abs is the day I will believe she's a upper-middle class suburban mother of three. But anyway...while I've been here I've read The Tenth Circle, Vanishing Acts, and Nineteen Minutes. I've read six other novels that she has penned. Here is what I've decided: I'm not so much a fan anymore.
Your first Jodi Picoult book is fun. It's fresh, modern, current. Three adjectives that I'm pretty sure mean the same thing. It's got a court drama, a twist, a whodunnit feel.She can create a hip teenager and a single attractive yet brooding male cop and you feel that she really gets their struggle down. And maybe if you take your time reading her books you never get too tired of them. But when you read three in a row you realize THEY ARE IDENTICAL. They're not only exactly the same but I'm pretty sure the teenage girls in both The Tenth Circle and Nineteen Minutes had the same descriptive paragraph when they are first introduced.
It's one thing to have a character be in more than one book, I can see it being a treat to some very dedicated and excited reader (I know that guy!) But it's another thing for descriptions of characters and emotions to be pretty much a dead ringer for the last book. Ugh.
Wicked by Gregory Maguire: Now a Broadway musical, Wicked is the story of the Wicked Witch of the West. What happens I couldn't tell you (other than her melting of course). I disliked reading this book so much I didn't even get halfway through. I should've known I wouldn't have liked it when I can't even recall being that into The Wizard of Oz. I remember there was a while when they would air the movie around Easter for a few years in a row and the commercials would try and remind you how much you loved it the first time so many years ago and how much better it will be when the color is all enhanced. And there were those times when all anyone could talk about was how you could see some dude hang himself in the background. But I just never cared much. Dorothy was a bit annoying for me.
Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides: Awesome. Something so intriguing about this book. I mean come on! First the character tells you he's a hermaphrodite. Then he tells you he was raised as a girl. Then you go back to learn his family history and find out Grandma and Grandpa were actually brother and sister AND THEN you get to watch the lives of this lively Greek family. You're sold! Everyone knows from the wild success of My Big Fat Greek Wedding that people LOVE Greek families in America. The more spanakopita the better!
Little Children by Tom Perrotta: Sure I've seen the movie which didn't exactly blow you away but I was eager to read the book. I figured why not, what else am I going to do? It was okay. It's as basic as storytelling can get. He's hot. She's blah. She's bolder than she realizes. He's kind of a preppy failure. They have lots of sex. And I think the molester is much scarier as a skinny gross man than a fat mean guy.
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith: Almost like a Frank McCourt book. But not in Ireland and not that destitute and depressing. Dad's an Irish drunk, mom is from Austrian stock. Both were raised in Brooklyn, get married young, have kids, and of course realize to late they don't know what they are doing. The main character is Francie, their daughter. They live in the tenements in Williamsburg and it's pretty much: Mom scrubbing floors, Dad on the bottle. Francie and brother collecting junk for money, Dad on the bottle. Life is hard and will always be hard for poor folk like us, Dad on the bottle. Etc.
The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory: Sure it's a movie but I got the book for free. And movies cost money. And it will probably suck anyway. I'm totally into it. So juicy.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
More Unproductiveness
Uh. Let's see. What is there to talk about? Maybe the fact that I'm going INSANE.
But first other news. Here are totally unimportant things I've done lately:
I finally sent my parents and my sister the trinkets I bought them in Colombia today. I arrived on January 14th and today is February 12th. Huh...that's actually not too bad I totally thought it'd been more than a month but I'm actually a little shy of that title.
I jogged today for 4 minutes. Considering I'm not physically capable of walking above 3mph I think this a cause for celebration. So I drank a dark chocolate Godiva Coffee drink.
I've become totally into the Bravo channel. Well I'm really into Project Runway (fierce!) but I have to say that Millionaire Matchmaker is kind of fun too. I cannot wait for Rami and Chris to have a face off. I'm over the draping. Little hairspray Chris is totally obnoxious but he is definitely talented and Jillian is annoying about how she always complains she doesn't have any time to finish but when she's done it always looks great. I liked Sweet P but she definitely wasn't the strongest.
I opened up a Scottrade account to rollover my 401(k) into an IRA but lost some of my motivation when I realized that I would have to make all my own investments. They don't really do any of it for me. Luckily I found out I can actually keep my 401(k) as is until I can add it to a new one at a new employer. That is of course if I ever have a new employer. Or a place to live. Or any hope for a future.
I think I've lost a little weight. I've been going for walks almost everyday if not everyday. Combine this with the fact that I don't ingest many calories because there are none to ingest and my jeans are fitting comfortably. If I can just get myself to do some sit-ups I might actually start to feel better about myself. But I hate sit-ups.
I really, really want to cut my hair because I'm bored. But I don't because every time I cut my hair I feel an extreme sense of remorse that usually moves me to tears.
We spent the evening at Mark's sister's house which meant more playing with Sophia who is just as adorable as ever even as her terrible twos start to sneak up. At one point I was at the computer working on this very post when she walked into the room chugging her milk in her footsie pjs. She's so cute and I love to snuggle her every opportunity that I get (or really that she gives me) so I beckoned her over and plopped her in my lap. She starting asking about Elmo. She doesn't really watch TV but she had a jacket with Elmo on it and it's her latest obsession. So I googled him and up came some great YouTube clips. I think my favorite was absolutely the one that I posted below. I urge you to visit it.
The funniest part to me is that at the very end I said a joke and two seconds later Elmo said the same thing. I turned to little Sophia who had stopped chugging her milk and was mesmerized by the Elmoness of it all and said "Man, if you weren't 17 months you'd realize how funny that just was."
Go here: http://youtube.com/watch?v=BgUnYzXU-Fo
But first other news. Here are totally unimportant things I've done lately:
I finally sent my parents and my sister the trinkets I bought them in Colombia today. I arrived on January 14th and today is February 12th. Huh...that's actually not too bad I totally thought it'd been more than a month but I'm actually a little shy of that title.
I jogged today for 4 minutes. Considering I'm not physically capable of walking above 3mph I think this a cause for celebration. So I drank a dark chocolate Godiva Coffee drink.
I've become totally into the Bravo channel. Well I'm really into Project Runway (fierce!) but I have to say that Millionaire Matchmaker is kind of fun too. I cannot wait for Rami and Chris to have a face off. I'm over the draping. Little hairspray Chris is totally obnoxious but he is definitely talented and Jillian is annoying about how she always complains she doesn't have any time to finish but when she's done it always looks great. I liked Sweet P but she definitely wasn't the strongest.
I opened up a Scottrade account to rollover my 401(k) into an IRA but lost some of my motivation when I realized that I would have to make all my own investments. They don't really do any of it for me. Luckily I found out I can actually keep my 401(k) as is until I can add it to a new one at a new employer. That is of course if I ever have a new employer. Or a place to live. Or any hope for a future.
I think I've lost a little weight. I've been going for walks almost everyday if not everyday. Combine this with the fact that I don't ingest many calories because there are none to ingest and my jeans are fitting comfortably. If I can just get myself to do some sit-ups I might actually start to feel better about myself. But I hate sit-ups.
I really, really want to cut my hair because I'm bored. But I don't because every time I cut my hair I feel an extreme sense of remorse that usually moves me to tears.
We spent the evening at Mark's sister's house which meant more playing with Sophia who is just as adorable as ever even as her terrible twos start to sneak up. At one point I was at the computer working on this very post when she walked into the room chugging her milk in her footsie pjs. She's so cute and I love to snuggle her every opportunity that I get (or really that she gives me) so I beckoned her over and plopped her in my lap. She starting asking about Elmo. She doesn't really watch TV but she had a jacket with Elmo on it and it's her latest obsession. So I googled him and up came some great YouTube clips. I think my favorite was absolutely the one that I posted below. I urge you to visit it.
The funniest part to me is that at the very end I said a joke and two seconds later Elmo said the same thing. I turned to little Sophia who had stopped chugging her milk and was mesmerized by the Elmoness of it all and said "Man, if you weren't 17 months you'd realize how funny that just was."
Go here: http://youtube.com/watch?v=BgUnYzXU-Fo
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Things I Did Today
Today while Mark went to vote inside a parish office I sat in front of a Catholic Church in the shade trying to remember anything about what goes on during Mass and how it feels in a confessional booth. Then an old lady walked into the empty church (way too modern looking for me with southwest-looking tiles and giant green tinted windows, give me some dark wood and stained glass), looked around, came back out and asked me if I knew what time they were distributing ashes tomorrow. I wanted to say "Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday?" but instead I said "I'm sorry, I have no idea." After she went away I started to feel totally terrible and guilty that I didn't even know it was Ash Wednesday tomorrow. Not that I've done anything remotely religious in ages. Not that I would've gone to Mass, but still. I'm truly becoming a lapsed catholic. I can't even remember what certain Holy Days mean anymore. At my eighth grade graduation I won an expensive looking plaque that was the Religion Award. Basically I averaged 100% almost the entire year. Not that I was super religious ever, I'm more just a nerd and religion was a graded class.
We finally filled out a rental application for this apartment in Carrboro, North Carolina. It sounded like a sweet set up, with a good location, really good rent, and just the glimmer of getting out of dodge was enough to make me happy. We faxed it there with a super polite cover letter only to be called, like, three minutes later to be told that without a job already set up in NC we would be unable to be considered for anything. Instead of going "oh-well!" I went away to wallow in self-pity and worry and doubt. I decided that I should get something about my life in order so I returned to the computer and asked Mark if I could look up a phone number. He was busy working on his future so he was going to look it up for me. Since I was wallowing in self-pity and worry and doubt this annoyed me and we proceeded to bite each other's heads off for like 10 minutes. Joy. Did I mention that I have a savings account and Mark has excellent credit and we would never not be able to pay rent but we don't qualify for an apartment meanwhile there is a registered sex offender living in the very building we want to move into? How annoying is that!
Eventually I got the number I was looking for. I wanted to set up an IRA because I've been sitting on my 401(k) paperwork for like 4 months now. Because any minute I'm going to be getting a buttload of letters telling me I have fines and the government is going to ruin my life and I no longer have a retirement future. So I called and got a guy named Josh who kinda answered the phone in an obnoxious way. I told him that I wanted to set up an IRA and he told me to go online and do it. I said "Oh, thanks." and he said "No problem. Do you have any other questions?" and I wanted to say "If I just have to go online to do it then what the F do you get paid to answer the phone and do nothing all day?" but all the fight was out of me.
After Mark and I decided to be nice to each other (maybe realizing if we can't get along we're totally f'ing screwed) we went out so that he could run and I could walk. It was nice. I didn't listen to music. I needed to clear my head because I'm totally freaking out and wallowing in self-pity and worry and doubt. At the end of the walk when Mark had met up with me a blond man in a wheel chair appeared at one of the entryways to the path. He was a number of yards away waiting for someone behind him and I noticed he was in a peculiar wheelchair. My head full of useless information suddenly snapped to and I realized that the guy in the wheelchair was one of the guys in Murderball, the movie about the US Olympic Wheelchair Rugby team. I thought it was pretty neat as he wizzed by me with his crazy rugby chair grinding along the asphalt.
Today I finished the book The God of Animals by Aryn Kyle. I Loved It.
We finally filled out a rental application for this apartment in Carrboro, North Carolina. It sounded like a sweet set up, with a good location, really good rent, and just the glimmer of getting out of dodge was enough to make me happy. We faxed it there with a super polite cover letter only to be called, like, three minutes later to be told that without a job already set up in NC we would be unable to be considered for anything. Instead of going "oh-well!" I went away to wallow in self-pity and worry and doubt. I decided that I should get something about my life in order so I returned to the computer and asked Mark if I could look up a phone number. He was busy working on his future so he was going to look it up for me. Since I was wallowing in self-pity and worry and doubt this annoyed me and we proceeded to bite each other's heads off for like 10 minutes. Joy. Did I mention that I have a savings account and Mark has excellent credit and we would never not be able to pay rent but we don't qualify for an apartment meanwhile there is a registered sex offender living in the very building we want to move into? How annoying is that!
Eventually I got the number I was looking for. I wanted to set up an IRA because I've been sitting on my 401(k) paperwork for like 4 months now. Because any minute I'm going to be getting a buttload of letters telling me I have fines and the government is going to ruin my life and I no longer have a retirement future. So I called and got a guy named Josh who kinda answered the phone in an obnoxious way. I told him that I wanted to set up an IRA and he told me to go online and do it. I said "Oh, thanks." and he said "No problem. Do you have any other questions?" and I wanted to say "If I just have to go online to do it then what the F do you get paid to answer the phone and do nothing all day?" but all the fight was out of me.
After Mark and I decided to be nice to each other (maybe realizing if we can't get along we're totally f'ing screwed) we went out so that he could run and I could walk. It was nice. I didn't listen to music. I needed to clear my head because I'm totally freaking out and wallowing in self-pity and worry and doubt. At the end of the walk when Mark had met up with me a blond man in a wheel chair appeared at one of the entryways to the path. He was a number of yards away waiting for someone behind him and I noticed he was in a peculiar wheelchair. My head full of useless information suddenly snapped to and I realized that the guy in the wheelchair was one of the guys in Murderball, the movie about the US Olympic Wheelchair Rugby team. I thought it was pretty neat as he wizzed by me with his crazy rugby chair grinding along the asphalt.
Today I finished the book The God of Animals by Aryn Kyle. I Loved It.
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