So remember my whole complaint about the crappy bagging at my supermarket? Well the other night I had to run in to buy just a few things for the next day and as I turned the corner a giant rat ran by me and dove into his hole below the bread shelves.
SO THERE'S THAT.
No, I didn't complain to them because:
1. It's not like they'd get pitchforks and torches and chase him out.
or
2. They wouldn't care at all.
And those reactions would just make it even worse, if that's possible. I still bought the items because, let's face it, I've shopped there for the past two years but I did have rat dreams all night and I totally didn't eat any of the food I bought and just threw it away today. I just couldn't look at it without seeing his giant rat tail. I'm contemplating calling 311 and filing a complaint but since I've had the pleasure of experiencing 311 many an occasion since moving to this ridiculous corner I'm not in a rush to do that.
***
Speaking of 'this corner' and Inwood in general. Why DEAR GOD WHY when it gets warm does Inwood have to become a third world country? I mean, it has its moments of ghetto trash and your standard NYC annoyances but when it gets warm Inwood really notches it up in the "we're not Manhattan cool AT ALL" category. The dirt bikes revving at all hours, the gigantic Latin asses balancing for dear life on spiky heels (not in a good way), the hordes of unsupervised children running amok on sidewalks and running into you, and clusters of young guys smoking weed right in the open because cops only care about the more affluent blocks. (Shout out to you, Hudson Heights!)
Things I'm looking forward to:
The day when I can make dinners without trolling the Internet looking for recipes and ideas. Just go to the store, buy what I need, drop it on the counter and go. I (sort of) enjoy cooking it's just that I'm not at that point yet where I know what to do without checking over and over.
**
The day that I don't care, really don't care, that my husband hasn't heard a single word I've said. I know that technically we're still newlyweds but we have lived together for 6 years and even though I can tell when he isn't listening it still pisses me off. Probably because when he speaks I actually tune at least one ear into him and that's all I'm asking of him. He tries to use the excuse 'You see me typing (reading, staring into nothingness, etc) you know I can't hear you" but I just can't buy that bull crap.
Your ears are there accepting sound into the canal. When your brain notices noise perhaps you should make the effort into paying attention to it. And don't tell me you don't notice it because you complain about all the other crappy noises that float into our apartment. So clearly, you do pick up on sounds.
There. Done.
**
The day I can afford HBO so I don't have to figure out how to watch Game of Thrones at my parent's house. Especially since they have so much sexing in that show and I don't think there will ever be a day when I can watch girl on girl moaning action with my mom and just be okay with it. Weird. (And totally unnecessary HBO! It never happened in the book) But damn, the Jon Snow/Ygritte stuff better be awesome!
One last non-complaint thought (Yippee!)
I try not to recommend books because I'm always embarrassed that I don't read super intellectual stuff but I still like to share what I'm reading- as you've noticed. I have to say Alice Hoffman's The Red Garden was really a great read. It was about these interconnected characters through the generations living in this tiny town in the Berkshires. It's sad and romantic and mystical and I zipped through it. If you think we have anything in common when it comes to books you might like it.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Dear So-and-So
You know you don't post enough when you forget the URL to your own blog. Sigh.
The weather is great which is great for a babysitter because you basically have to find an open space and let the kids roam. Throw in some items they can discover (sadly in Inwood this means the kids collect random litter and you pray they don't find a used condom) and some friends and granola bars and you could be out there for an hour and 15 minutes. Yippee!
***
A mental letter to my retarded grocery store:
When you use plastic bags it's bad for the environment and a lot of people now use tote bags to carry their purchases home. I know you've noticed that because you've bothered to have your crappy logo printed on generic totes and sell them at your checkout lanes. This is great since you like to double bag the plastic when I'm buying just a loaf of bread. You really love to share your plastic bags.
Soooooo
If I bother to bring 3 tote bags to the store and I'm buying a few heavy items and I'm all by myself with no one to help me carry them why do you shove EVERYTHING into one tote bag and then cram the other two into it as well. The idea- IDIOT- is to avoid using the plastic (and let's not forget I have two hands!). You double bag a loaf of bread but you'll stick 2 giant juices and a load of other items into one bag. The bags are reusable. Go ahead and use them. I carried them all the way here for you to use them.
If you are stupid enough to make me repack my own bags right in front of you please don't jingle your plastic cup in my face and curse me under your breath when I refuse to give you my loose change. This is my loose change. I earned it by using my brain. You should try the same thing.
***
So AT&T sent me a letter in the mail that read something like this:
Dear AT&T customer;
You are the only moron under the age of 35 (boy that range is getting higher) who isn't using an iPhone and in case you haven't heard we've lost our exclusive rights to sell it so we have to compete by making our network BETTER! This means throwing numbers and letters together and hoping that tricks people to stick around.
So this means that your phone is so 'old school' that it will no longer be able to process text messages and phone calls to you and you'll notice a decline in your service! We'd like to think you would upgrade but we've sent you so much junk mail that you have ignored so we're going to assume you have continued to live within your means. Therefore we have no choice but to offer you a new phone for free without signing a new contract.
Don't get too excited! We're only giving you four options and they've been around long enough that our company stores will constantly be out of stock because no one wants them anymore. So keep calling them on a daily basis until one shows up and then you can have it!
Good luck and thank you for being a customer,
AT&T
So guess who has a new phone!!! Just in time too because the battery life had pretty much checked out on my last phone. Which, turns out, might be because I kept it next to my kitchen sink and the faucet leaks just enough to cover the counter but you don't really notice it until you pick up your phone and wonder why the back is wet. And then do that for, like, a year.
The weather is great which is great for a babysitter because you basically have to find an open space and let the kids roam. Throw in some items they can discover (sadly in Inwood this means the kids collect random litter and you pray they don't find a used condom) and some friends and granola bars and you could be out there for an hour and 15 minutes. Yippee!
***
A mental letter to my retarded grocery store:
When you use plastic bags it's bad for the environment and a lot of people now use tote bags to carry their purchases home. I know you've noticed that because you've bothered to have your crappy logo printed on generic totes and sell them at your checkout lanes. This is great since you like to double bag the plastic when I'm buying just a loaf of bread. You really love to share your plastic bags.
Soooooo
If I bother to bring 3 tote bags to the store and I'm buying a few heavy items and I'm all by myself with no one to help me carry them why do you shove EVERYTHING into one tote bag and then cram the other two into it as well. The idea- IDIOT- is to avoid using the plastic (and let's not forget I have two hands!). You double bag a loaf of bread but you'll stick 2 giant juices and a load of other items into one bag. The bags are reusable. Go ahead and use them. I carried them all the way here for you to use them.
If you are stupid enough to make me repack my own bags right in front of you please don't jingle your plastic cup in my face and curse me under your breath when I refuse to give you my loose change. This is my loose change. I earned it by using my brain. You should try the same thing.
***
So AT&T sent me a letter in the mail that read something like this:
Dear AT&T customer;
You are the only moron under the age of 35 (boy that range is getting higher) who isn't using an iPhone and in case you haven't heard we've lost our exclusive rights to sell it so we have to compete by making our network BETTER! This means throwing numbers and letters together and hoping that tricks people to stick around.
So this means that your phone is so 'old school' that it will no longer be able to process text messages and phone calls to you and you'll notice a decline in your service! We'd like to think you would upgrade but we've sent you so much junk mail that you have ignored so we're going to assume you have continued to live within your means. Therefore we have no choice but to offer you a new phone for free without signing a new contract.
Don't get too excited! We're only giving you four options and they've been around long enough that our company stores will constantly be out of stock because no one wants them anymore. So keep calling them on a daily basis until one shows up and then you can have it!
Good luck and thank you for being a customer,
AT&T
So guess who has a new phone!!! Just in time too because the battery life had pretty much checked out on my last phone. Which, turns out, might be because I kept it next to my kitchen sink and the faucet leaks just enough to cover the counter but you don't really notice it until you pick up your phone and wonder why the back is wet. And then do that for, like, a year.
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