I've had this particular post stewing as a draft for weeks now and then I reached a stand still and didn't know what to write. Add that to the fact that at home was a lack of internet connection (that's not a complaint I think it was a wise choice on Mark's part) and at work I was actually busy; the end of the summer bringing substantial refund paperwork and I have to put together binders for an incoming conference. But now that I am in New York City for family together time it's all starting to come to me. Here it is at it's most basic (and obviously the most confused):
If you live in New York City, never leave.
If you have left New York City, you will probably never get to come back to the life you once had. At the same time when you visit you may think: How the hell can anyone live here?
One thing that is contributing to these thoughts is the fact that Mark and I are in the semi-process of trying to figure out where home will be when we return from Colombia. Another factor was my reading of Nora Ephron's book 'I Don't Like My Neck and Other Stories on Womanhood' (A very funny and witty book for a female audience that is very much worth the short amount of time it takes to read).
I think of how cool it would be to come back to NYC and start to hang out with all my old friends who, as much as I know they will always be my friends, I also know that I really don't know what they are doing with their lives, I pretty much left the city as soon as college was over.

Of how it would be nice to hang with my family on holidays and eat my Uncle's ribs at his BBQs and get lots of reading done while taking the subway and having Dunkin' Donuts coffee and for having the opportunity to be a city person!
Then I think: WHERE ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE COMING FROM! Go away, stop screaming in my ear and just go grab your kid's arm, thanks for throwing that garbage in the middle of the sidewalk because that garbage can two steps away is so far, why do we even bother with driver's licences and traffic laws when everyone does what they want anyway, you want
how much for this studio, excuse me sir but there is a roach crawling on that Boar's Head ham, no I don't have any spare change.
Is any of this making any sense? Basically Nora Ephron has a huge chapter in her book just talking about her apartment and her neighborhood and making all the ridiculous stuff about living in NY sound amazing and making me really reminiscent and homesick. Mind you my family is not rich like Nora Ephron and we are far from the glamorous New Yorkers and I never really did anything cool and I have no idea what order the Avenues are in on the East Side and I get lost below 14th street; but I lived in New York! I was raised here! I was one of the huddled masses!
At the same time I can't stand all these people everywhere. That instantly aggravated feeling you get just walking down the street. The fact that I could never get a good paying and fairly tolerable job here and no I don't want to live in a two bedroom apartment with eight people and no I don't want to live so far out in Queens that the subway doesn't even go out there.
This sucks. How do you live in a city for 24 years and after just two years out of it you totally become a country hick?