Need the Blue Ice

So HOT. Please make it go away. We used the air conditioner for 2, maybe 2 and a half days in June when the first heat wave (panic across the city) hit and I opened our Con Edison bill and I freaked out. It was $93. Now...sure there are people who pay hundreds and hundreds each month. I work for one dude who, on average, pays like $500 a month on electric and gas. But they don't turn a single thing off. EVER.
Mark and I sit in the dark for as long as possible. Only when the birds start to assume that day is done and they start to nestle down even though they so want to remain at their food bowls do we go "Time to turn on a lamp!" and they lift their wings in jubilation. "Yay! More sunflower seed for me!"
And  yes, the rates are rising so even if we don't run things our bill will still creep up but that doesn't mean I'm not going to panic. We would probably sweat it out for longer and only use the air at bed time if we didn't have these pets who are completely miserable. Which is ironic because technically they are tropical birds but since they've never lived a day in the tropics we do our best to keep them comfortable.

So we've established that summer is here. Which means I'm miserable. Not only do I hate humidity and heat, my body just can't handle it. I've passed out and vomited and have had intravenous liquids all thanks to my handful of heat stroke episodes during my youth. Which is also funny for the same way the thing about my birds is funny: Genetically, I'm of Puerto Rican descent, though we know I'm pretty gringa, or as I more gently put it Sorta Rican. But basically, if the world was not modern and homogenized I'd be living on a Caribbean island drinking fruit juices and sweating like a pig and should be able to deal with it just fine. But alas, I've never even been to the Caribbean. So dear god, get me to an air conditioner.

But, of course, in my quest for perfecting being in a bad mood I have other reasons to hate summer. One of them being that my loving, gentle, intelligent husband happily stumbled into a teaching job 3 years ago and is enjoying yet another summer off while I traipse around Manhattan and the Bronx with two spoiled kids who are apparently just too precious to be put in day camp. So every morning I get up and have to mutter to myself in the shower "It's not his fault, don't be mad at him, it's not his fault, don't be mad at him, it's not his fault, don't be mad at him." And then get out of the shower and try and smile at him as he says good morning. But I can barely see his smile because he literally walks around with a cloud of joy and ecstasy around his face.
I mean, points for him. He's still getting up and making my coffee for me. Probably because he knows I'm one step away from having a nervous breakdown. But still...ask me in August if that whole routine is still playing out.

And yes, considering I will be losing a lot of work hours when I return to being a full-time student in the Fall (AHHHH!) I should be jumping for joy to have a full babysitting gig this summer that pays me. You know. With actual money. But I get so overwhelmed by taking care of these EXTREMELY needy kids for a whole, very long, very hot (I mentioned it's hot, right?) very tiring day. Also, I think that I get used to having so much free time during the school year to do all my errands during the day when other people are at work that I miss it. I miss going to the supermarket and it's only grandmas and delivery men. I miss going to the post office and being the second person in line instead of the 54th. I miss having energy at 1pm and doing my workout instead of coming home and being too tired to exercise. I miss watching TMZ without Mark being home and being mad that I'm watching TMZ.
And finally, I'm terrified that I'm going to be extremely burned out by the end of the summer that I will bomb in my classes because I will be physically exhausted. I'm really, really scared about that. If I don't do well, if I don't get into the nursing phase of the classes then this whole drama has been for nothing and my brain can't even wrap around that. It's too terrible.

Sigh. Well, Mark is taking a nap (I'm trying not to be annoyed because it is a Sunday, but I know this is like his 5th nap this week). I just finished the household bills. And I'm counting down the days until I can sit back, relax, and watch the new Breaking Bad season. Crystal meth...hmm...maybe that will help me get through my classes....