So HOT. Please make it go away. We used the air conditioner for 2, maybe 2 and a half days in June when the first heat wave (panic across the city) hit and I opened our Con Edison bill and I freaked out. It was $93. Now...sure there are people who pay hundreds and hundreds each month. I work for one dude who, on average, pays like $500 a month on electric and gas. But they don't turn a single thing off. EVER.
Mark and I sit in the dark for as long as possible. Only when the birds start to assume that day is done and they start to nestle down even though they so want to remain at their food bowls do we go "Time to turn on a lamp!" and they lift their wings in jubilation. "Yay! More sunflower seed for me!"
And yes, the rates are rising so even if we don't run things our bill will still creep up but that doesn't mean I'm not going to panic. We would probably sweat it out for longer and only use the air at bed time if we didn't have these pets who are completely miserable. Which is ironic because technically they are tropical birds but since they've never lived a day in the tropics we do our best to keep them comfortable.
So we've established that summer is here. Which means I'm miserable. Not only do I hate humidity and heat, my body just can't handle it. I've passed out and vomited and have had intravenous liquids all thanks to my handful of heat stroke episodes during my youth. Which is also funny for the same way the thing about my birds is funny: Genetically, I'm of Puerto Rican descent, though we know I'm pretty gringa, or as I more gently put it Sorta Rican. But basically, if the world was not modern and homogenized I'd be living on a Caribbean island drinking fruit juices and sweating like a pig and should be able to deal with it just fine. But alas, I've never even been to the Caribbean. So dear god, get me to an air conditioner.
But, of course, in my quest for perfecting being in a bad mood I have other reasons to hate summer. One of them being that my loving, gentle, intelligent husband happily stumbled into a teaching job 3 years ago and is enjoying yet another summer off while I traipse around Manhattan and the Bronx with two spoiled kids who are apparently just too precious to be put in day camp. So every morning I get up and have to mutter to myself in the shower "It's not his fault, don't be mad at him, it's not his fault, don't be mad at him, it's not his fault, don't be mad at him." And then get out of the shower and try and smile at him as he says good morning. But I can barely see his smile because he literally walks around with a cloud of joy and ecstasy around his face.
I mean, points for him. He's still getting up and making my coffee for me. Probably because he knows I'm one step away from having a nervous breakdown. But still...ask me in August if that whole routine is still playing out.
And yes, considering I will be losing a lot of work hours when I return to being a full-time student in the Fall (AHHHH!) I should be jumping for joy to have a full babysitting gig this summer that pays me. You know. With actual money. But I get so overwhelmed by taking care of these EXTREMELY needy kids for a whole, very long, very hot (I mentioned it's hot, right?) very tiring day. Also, I think that I get used to having so much free time during the school year to do all my errands during the day when other people are at work that I miss it. I miss going to the supermarket and it's only grandmas and delivery men. I miss going to the post office and being the second person in line instead of the 54th. I miss having energy at 1pm and doing my workout instead of coming home and being too tired to exercise. I miss watching TMZ without Mark being home and being mad that I'm watching TMZ.
And finally, I'm terrified that I'm going to be extremely burned out by the end of the summer that I will bomb in my classes because I will be physically exhausted. I'm really, really scared about that. If I don't do well, if I don't get into the nursing phase of the classes then this whole drama has been for nothing and my brain can't even wrap around that. It's too terrible.
Sigh. Well, Mark is taking a nap (I'm trying not to be annoyed because it is a Sunday, but I know this is like his 5th nap this week). I just finished the household bills. And I'm counting down the days until I can sit back, relax, and watch the new Breaking Bad season. Crystal meth...hmm...maybe that will help me get through my classes....
Showing posts with label pets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pets. Show all posts
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
After They Were Mean to Me
So I cried and studied and cried and studied and watched an assload of videos on Khan Academy's website. I went to take my math assessment test and told myself 'It's untimed. Just deep breathes and figure out what to do.' So I go in there and breeze through a few. It's the kind of test that gets more difficult as you answer correctly. I'm definitely feeling like the studying was helpful and then suddenly BAM. I hit a type of question that I had absolutely no idea how to solve. I try and try and it's multiple choice but none of the solutions I come up with are remotely like the options. I guess a few and get tossed back to an easy question, which to me meant the computer was making sure it had progressed me forward appropriately. But then I was back to the hard questions. I was trying my best. Not feeling pressured during this untimed test.
Then the proctor goes "Just so you know the lab closes at 5pm. So you need to be finished by then or your test won't be complete. You have time but you know..." and she just fades out. It's 4:30. Now I'm freaking out. The program is designed where I can't see how many questions I have left. If I knew the total then I would figure out how much time I have to mess with each question. But suddenly this untimed test is very much timed and there's no f'ing way I'm not going to finish and then maybe have to come back and relive the whole nightmare. So basically I just start clicking answers and then suddenly the test was done. I was totally annoyed because I really only had like eight questions left and could have totally taken more time but in the end I would have still been guessing.
At the test they give you a card and it tells you when to go to the advising office to register. My date was June 4. But then across the bottom it says 'Transfer students will receive separate card'. Of course. Still waiting for this mysterious card. So I figure I will wait for the card and if I don't get it then I will at least show up on June 4th. So suddenly it's May 23rd. I get my mail in the p.m. So here I am 5:30 on May 23rd and I get my card in the mail and my appointment is for May 23rd. 9:30am. MOTHER F.
I was steaming. So I called the next day and asked about it and the guy said "oh, you can come in anytime" and I got all snarky and said "The last time I was told that, I came in and everyone was rude to me." He bumbled and stuttered and basically I thought I'll just go in on my next day available.
So I did and was seen. It was pretty easy breezy which was so needed. It turns out that I missed being placed in a second level math test by only three points!! Which I was actually amazingly thrilled about. Let's process this: the last math class I took was a non-regents, very basic, math class my senior year of high school. So in 13 years I may have not progressed but I have ended up exactly where I should be and not even more behind. And only by three points. I was totally happy.
So now I'm registered for 14 credits, will be in class for an epic amount of hours taking all the sort of classes any standard freshman has to take and I will lose a lot of work hours but I'm sort of thrilled. Just a bit.
I was glad that it all worked out because I had had the worst week ever before that. My dad was ill, I had a huge, annoying, frustrating dilemma with the family I work for that resulted in my having to give up a job, and then my sweet, yummy, beautiful old dog had to be put to sleep and it was THE WORST DAY EVER. It was pretty horrible and I'm 70% certain that I will never have a dog again just so I don't have to experience that pain again. And I'm not even my mom who saw him as the third baby she never had. Horrible. I'll just stop there.
So now I just have to figure out how to be a student again, rent books, syllabus collecting, actually have homework that doesn't require me to create a story out of my ass. Meanwhile still being a wife who doesn't want to live in squalid conditions and commute to school for an hour each way everyday. I hope I survive.
Then the proctor goes "Just so you know the lab closes at 5pm. So you need to be finished by then or your test won't be complete. You have time but you know..." and she just fades out. It's 4:30. Now I'm freaking out. The program is designed where I can't see how many questions I have left. If I knew the total then I would figure out how much time I have to mess with each question. But suddenly this untimed test is very much timed and there's no f'ing way I'm not going to finish and then maybe have to come back and relive the whole nightmare. So basically I just start clicking answers and then suddenly the test was done. I was totally annoyed because I really only had like eight questions left and could have totally taken more time but in the end I would have still been guessing.
At the test they give you a card and it tells you when to go to the advising office to register. My date was June 4. But then across the bottom it says 'Transfer students will receive separate card'. Of course. Still waiting for this mysterious card. So I figure I will wait for the card and if I don't get it then I will at least show up on June 4th. So suddenly it's May 23rd. I get my mail in the p.m. So here I am 5:30 on May 23rd and I get my card in the mail and my appointment is for May 23rd. 9:30am. MOTHER F.
I was steaming. So I called the next day and asked about it and the guy said "oh, you can come in anytime" and I got all snarky and said "The last time I was told that, I came in and everyone was rude to me." He bumbled and stuttered and basically I thought I'll just go in on my next day available.
So I did and was seen. It was pretty easy breezy which was so needed. It turns out that I missed being placed in a second level math test by only three points!! Which I was actually amazingly thrilled about. Let's process this: the last math class I took was a non-regents, very basic, math class my senior year of high school. So in 13 years I may have not progressed but I have ended up exactly where I should be and not even more behind. And only by three points. I was totally happy.
So now I'm registered for 14 credits, will be in class for an epic amount of hours taking all the sort of classes any standard freshman has to take and I will lose a lot of work hours but I'm sort of thrilled. Just a bit.
I was glad that it all worked out because I had had the worst week ever before that. My dad was ill, I had a huge, annoying, frustrating dilemma with the family I work for that resulted in my having to give up a job, and then my sweet, yummy, beautiful old dog had to be put to sleep and it was THE WORST DAY EVER. It was pretty horrible and I'm 70% certain that I will never have a dog again just so I don't have to experience that pain again. And I'm not even my mom who saw him as the third baby she never had. Horrible. I'll just stop there.
So now I just have to figure out how to be a student again, rent books, syllabus collecting, actually have homework that doesn't require me to create a story out of my ass. Meanwhile still being a wife who doesn't want to live in squalid conditions and commute to school for an hour each way everyday. I hope I survive.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Quality Community Member
A few weeks ago I was checking the mail for a very important letter that never showed up but instead found a pet catalog dedicated entirely to bird items. The sticker on the cover alerted me that they hadn't heard from me in some time and they were curious to know if I still wanted to receive the catalog. Since I had never received the catalog before I turned it over to discover that it was addressed to the woman who lived in the apartment before us.
I was actually pretty excited to imagine the happy coincidence that is two different couples living in an apartment back to back and both being bird owners. I was stoked to get her junk mail because bird owners are sadly neglected. I can think of 3 pet stores in our neighborhood and all of them are bursting at the seams with collars, harnesses, dog clothes, cat chew toys, and kibble. But only one of them has bird seed for sale and there is only one option and often they are out of the size I need.
And if you go to a large chain pet store the bird section is actually just as pathetic. Surrounding the cages filled with depressed looking exotic birds are a few bags of food- none appealing. The last time I was in PetSmart the only bag of parrot food that would have worked for us had a giant spider web growing inside of it.
So here I am, with this new catalog. I open it and it rocked my world. Toys and exercise stands and even food at a very normal price. So I wrote down my wish list and ordered 60 dollars worth of bird items and got free shipping which is a win/win because what's the point of paying the same price if then you have to pay for it to show up.
I guess the most pathetic part of this bird nerd fest is the level of anticipation that I had for the box to arrive. I couldn't wait to torture Vinnie and Claudia with their new hanging toys with bells and chew treats and perches flavored like pineapple. I realized in some not-exactly-the-same-thing-but-as-close-as-I'm-gonna-get way that this is what a new parent must feel like on baby's first Christmas. The baby has no idea what it's getting. Is too young to have really requested anything but you can't wait to see their faces when the toys appear.
And just like that tiny let down and yet not-so-surprised feeling when baby only cares about the box I find myself staring at the new items in the bird cages with a giant smile while Vinnie just screams and screams in terror.
*******
It's time for another great example of the quality of the citizens of Inwood: I was returning from a visit to the gym (so rare it's amazing I still know where it is) when I noticed a guy dressed slovenly in the usual gangsta' attire and he was avidly grabbing his junk and shaking it around while loudly talking into his cell phone.
"No! No, I said! My dick don't burn! That's what I've been telling you! My dick don't burn so I don't have it. I don't know. I just know my dick don't burn so I'm not worried."
Oh the scenarios that went through my mind after the cringing was done. Does she think she gave him something? Does she think he gave her something? What does he think? Nothing, he clearly doesn't give a shit. And more importantly what are the odds that she's going to sleep with this guy again? I'm going to go with 'most definitely' because, as if the loud and very public phone conversation didn't convince you, if you saw this guy you would know that he didn't appear to be quality sexual partner material and yet he'd clearly 'hit that'.
But since we'll never know keep your eyes out single girls of Inwood! There may be a local fella who might be available and apparently he is free of that pesky dick burn.
I was actually pretty excited to imagine the happy coincidence that is two different couples living in an apartment back to back and both being bird owners. I was stoked to get her junk mail because bird owners are sadly neglected. I can think of 3 pet stores in our neighborhood and all of them are bursting at the seams with collars, harnesses, dog clothes, cat chew toys, and kibble. But only one of them has bird seed for sale and there is only one option and often they are out of the size I need.
And if you go to a large chain pet store the bird section is actually just as pathetic. Surrounding the cages filled with depressed looking exotic birds are a few bags of food- none appealing. The last time I was in PetSmart the only bag of parrot food that would have worked for us had a giant spider web growing inside of it.
So here I am, with this new catalog. I open it and it rocked my world. Toys and exercise stands and even food at a very normal price. So I wrote down my wish list and ordered 60 dollars worth of bird items and got free shipping which is a win/win because what's the point of paying the same price if then you have to pay for it to show up.
I guess the most pathetic part of this bird nerd fest is the level of anticipation that I had for the box to arrive. I couldn't wait to torture Vinnie and Claudia with their new hanging toys with bells and chew treats and perches flavored like pineapple. I realized in some not-exactly-the-same-thing-but-as-close-as-I'm-gonna-get way that this is what a new parent must feel like on baby's first Christmas. The baby has no idea what it's getting. Is too young to have really requested anything but you can't wait to see their faces when the toys appear.
And just like that tiny let down and yet not-so-surprised feeling when baby only cares about the box I find myself staring at the new items in the bird cages with a giant smile while Vinnie just screams and screams in terror.
*******
It's time for another great example of the quality of the citizens of Inwood: I was returning from a visit to the gym (so rare it's amazing I still know where it is) when I noticed a guy dressed slovenly in the usual gangsta' attire and he was avidly grabbing his junk and shaking it around while loudly talking into his cell phone.
"No! No, I said! My dick don't burn! That's what I've been telling you! My dick don't burn so I don't have it. I don't know. I just know my dick don't burn so I'm not worried."
Oh the scenarios that went through my mind after the cringing was done. Does she think she gave him something? Does she think he gave her something? What does he think? Nothing, he clearly doesn't give a shit. And more importantly what are the odds that she's going to sleep with this guy again? I'm going to go with 'most definitely' because, as if the loud and very public phone conversation didn't convince you, if you saw this guy you would know that he didn't appear to be quality sexual partner material and yet he'd clearly 'hit that'.
But since we'll never know keep your eyes out single girls of Inwood! There may be a local fella who might be available and apparently he is free of that pesky dick burn.
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